For whatever reason, I’ve been in a blue funk for the past few weeks. I’m feeling fat and ugly and incompetent, and I can’t seem to get a grip on turning that around. Short of extensive counseling and pharmaceuticals, I’m not sure what will help.
Also, and I go through this periodically (although I never know when it’s going to hit), I get tired of being single. I don’t want to date anyone (that sounds like too much trouble). I want to be past that and on into the “married” part. I have several good friends at work (all guys in my office) who are happily married and so sweet that it makes me feel left out of that part of life. Today we all had lunch together; it’s such a pleasure to be with them and see their contentment up close. They are wonderful, interesting, precious men. But it also makes me more aware of not having that. Yeah, I know it’s not always great, but still. And I know I’ll get through this valley, just as I’ve gotten through all the ones before. It’s just that I’m not through it at the moment, and it can be really depressing.
On the other hand, I thank God that I didn’t marry any of the guys I’ve dated (with a couple of notable exceptions). I’d be miserable now, I know that. So many people are. I’m certain that a lot of married people look at those who are single and wish they could change places. They feel trapped, misunderstood, devalued, emotionally wounded, and sick at heart. It can be tough on either side of this fence. It helps sometimes to look at the good things about whatever situation a person finds himself / herself in. Once, I listed some pluses to being single and came up with more than I would have thought. One of the biggest was that I’ve never had to have a conversation about prostate trouble. That’s something to be grateful for.
OK, that’s about all the positive thinking I’m capable of at the moment. Right now I just want to say I feel bad. I wish Jesus were here in person so we could talk. He could sit here on the couch with me and we could talk all night. I’d feel better then. I know I would.