My dearest little one,
I am so happy that God gave you to me and that I get to be your mommy. You are truly a gift, and I thank our Father every day for you. Sometimes when we talk about how you came to be part of our family, you have questions. Once you asked me, “How can a white mommy have a brown kid?” and “Did I just drop down from heaven?” No, little one, you didn’t, but you are a gift from God just the same, and I want you to understand the wonderful story of your adoption.
Before you were born, you grew inside the tummy of a woman with beautiful brown skin, brown eyes, and black hair just like yours. It takes a man and a woman together to make a baby, and usually they can take care of their child and make a home for him or her. But sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. Sometimes the man and the woman have grown-up problems and cannot take care of their little one. Sometimes they are not really ready to be parents, and a new family must be found to love and care for their precious child. You may wonder about them, this man and woman who made you. You may wonder what they were like and if they loved you. All children who are adopted into families have those feelings and questions. I can’t answer every question for you, but I do know that you have always been loved. The man and woman who made you must have loved you, because they wanted you to have a good home and a forever family, even if they could not give it to you themselves. That is how you came to be my son.
That was their gift to you and to me.
And what a wonderful gift you have been! It all began one winter day when I answered the phone at work. On the other end of the line was a social worker, a person who helps find families for children who need them. The social worker said, “A baby boy has been born and he needs a family. Would you like to be his mom?” That baby boy was you. I was so happy and excited; I jumped in my car and drove to the hospital as fast as I could. The nurses let me in, and I saw you for the first time. You were the most beautiful little baby I had ever seen, so soft and brown and sweet and tiny, asleep on a Christmas blanket. I fell in love with you all at once. I held you, fed you, sang to you, and talked to you about our family, even though you were too small to understand. A few days later I got to bring you home to your own bed and your own room. It was a wonderful day, and all our friends were so happy for us. They came by to welcome you to this beautiful world.
You have always been a source of joy and laughter — friendly, funny, smart, and kind-hearted. I watch you grow day by day and am filled with delight at the person you are becoming. I am just sure you can do anything you set your mind to.
Now you are older and have begun to wonder about many things. You have noticed that the color of your skin is different from mine. Other people will notice too and they may ask you questions. You can decide what you want to tell them. You may say, “We talk about it at home, but not with strangers.” Or you may want to share with them the story of how you became part of our family.
Sometimes you may feel sad and wish you had grown inside my tummy. Sometimes you may feel sad that you and I look so different from each other. Sometimes people may notice our different colors and ask you, “Who is your real mommy?” That is because they don’t understand that a real mommy is not about whose tummy you grew in. A real mommy is about who loves you best in all the world.
A real mommy holds you when you scrape your knee and buys blueberries especially for you. She snuggles up with you to watch movies and doesn’t mind telling about the three bears over and over. A mommy cheers for you when you hit the ball and says, “That’s ok, you’ll get it next time” when you miss. She rides bicycles with you and lets you help bake cookies. She wraps you in a warm blanket when you are cold and fixes your favorite things when you are sick.
A mommy makes you take a bath and brush your teeth and go to bed when you’d rather be outside playing, even if it is way past dark. Sometimes she lets you push the basket in the grocery story if you are careful, and she always buckles you up in the car. She makes you pour your own milk and pick up your own toys and raise the seat on the toilet. She sends you to time-out when you disobey and forgives you when you make mistakes. She loves you very much and always has plenty of hugs and kisses to give away. That’s what a “real” mommy is. It’s not about tummies. It’s about love. I am your mommy, and we are a real family, even if your skin is brown and mine is white.
God made us, and we are both beautiful in his eyes. From the darkest midnight black to the sunniest golden brown to the clearest ivory, God made all his children on earth and he delights in every one.
So, little one, I hope you understand how much you are cherished and how we came to be together. I am always here to talk to when you have questions. I want you to know that a family is made up of people who love each other and want to be together, no matter what color they are on the outside. In our hearts, we are very much alike. That’s what adoption is all about. It is a gift from our Father in heaven. He brought us together, and he has given us to each other for always and forever.
With all my love,